An alien addicted to sex is let loose on Cardiff’s nightlife. Torchwood must track down the creature’s new host and in doing so, confront a violent new form of love in the 21st century.

Originally Titled New Girl

Length 47’22”

First transmitted

9:50pm, 22nd October 2006, BBC Three and BBC HD
9:50pm, 25th October 2006, BBC Two

Both in double-bill with Everything Changes, with no end credits, the words Coming Up replacing Next Time, and no saga cell on the latter episode – combined credits appeared at the end of the second episode (the BBC HD version had individual end credits). In between the episodes on BBC Three a Torchwood logo flashed on the screen, followed by two voiceovers with a generic BBC Three trail in between. On BBC Two, just the logo appeared.

Guest Cast

Kai Owen (Rhys Williams); Adrian Christopher (Private Moriarty); Ross O’Hennessy (Sgt Johnson); Sara Lloyd Gregory (Carys [Fletcher]); Ceri Mears (Banksy); Justin McDonald (Matt [Stevens]); Tom Price (PC Andy); Brendan Charleson (Ivan Fletcher); Rob Storr (Gavin); Alex Parry (Eddie Gwynne); Felicity Rhys (Bethan); Naomi Martell (Receptionist); David Longden (Mr Weston)

Writer Chris Chibnall
Director Brian Kelly


Setting

Cardiff, across three days. The first death occurs at 3:07am in the early hours of the second day.

The third viral advert shows CCTV footage of a victim we do not see onscreen, which appears to date it as 22nd October 2006. This cannot be considered canonical, however, as this would place it prior to ‘The Christmas Invasion’ (2005, set Christmas 2006) which has already been established as pre-Torchwood.

Carys Fletcher was born 14th November 1987, which would make her almost 20 if we consider evidence from the previous episode that these two episodes (for this is clearly very shortly after ‘Everything Changes’) occur in September 2007.


Did You Spot?

Jack mentions that Torchwood have a cryo-store of bodies – perhaps this answers why they kept Suzie’s the previous week? The Torchwood van arrives from the area the final scene of ‘The End of the World’ (2005) was filmed in, half way down Queen Street.
 

Twisted Reality

We’re fairly certain the graphic that appears on Gwen’s phone at the start is non-standard. No real Cardiff bouncer would re-admit a lady based on a kiss (far too tame). If the geography of Cardiff is the same as it is in reality, the Torchwood van arrives at the club from completely the wrong direction (unless Owen was taking them on a scenic route). When Carys is walking around The Hayes, she sees a string of adverts for companies that don’t really exist. There isn’t really a sperm bank on Windsor Place (although local fan group Timeless do meet in the area regularly). A gay man is in the sperm bank – most clinics in the UK choose to exclude homosexuals on the basis that they have a higher risk of having an STD – he’s either lying to Carys, standards have changed, or he’s found one of the few clinics that are gay-friendly.

Love is in the Air

Gwen lies more to her boyfriend about her job, but at least this time she has a good reason (“Oh, pity me, I’m a Special Ops widow”). Jack believes Gwen has curves in “all the right places”. Owen tries playfully flirting with Gwen (“sweetheart”, “sweetcheeks”, “freckles”) but his “tool’s not big enough for the job”. All the random sex between Carys and the strangers. The bouncer is making love to himself when the first victim is killed. Owen enjoys watching while Gwen ‘interrogates’ Carys. Jack believes humans have “quaint little categories”. Sato says Jack will “shag anything if it’s gorgeous enough”. Carys has had crushes on either Orlando Bloom or Heath Ledger – or possibly both. Gwen appears to be straight (she doesn’t understand why she “sort of snogged her”). Owen has taken handcuffs down to Carys’ cell – we can only imagine why. Jack gives Carys a magical kiss. Gwen kisses Jack to thank him for saving her life – it seems to affect him...


If it’s Alien, it’s Ours

The meteorite they investigate at the beginning contains an alien entity that lives off the energy of human orgasms (“There’s nothing else out there like it... You taste so good... You’re the best hit there is.” – but only men, apparently). Jack’s laser-pointer looks suspiciously like a Sonic Screwdriver. The portable cell (that only lasts about an hour). Jack believes aliens have no concept of hygiene. Jack’s wrist device that appears to be able to control the portable cell (and possibly other things?) The hand in the jar makes another appearance, and is almost destroyed, but Jack saves it.


Captain Jack’s Large Weapon

Jack brandishes his trusty Smith & Wesson twice (and a brass pipe at one point), while the rest of Torchwood are deployed with some sort of standard military issue handguns.


To Live and Die in Cardiff

Carys takes seven victims that we know of (and almost a Royal Mail delivery man, Gwen and Owen). Owen makes a rat explode.


Sounds Brilliant

“Oh La La” by Goldfrapp (the first single from their third album, Supernature, and their sixth UK single overall) is heard as Carys wanders The Hayes (near Henrik’s/Howells – ‘Rose’, 2005 – again) and sees sex everywhere.


Quotables

“All right, usual formation.” – Jack
“What’s the usual formation?” – Gwen
“It varies.” – Owen
“How can the usual formation vary?” – Gwen

“He just…” – Gwen
“Came and went.” – Jack

“I’m using satellite tracking data to determine the inward trajectory of the meteorite.” – Jack
“He means he’s trying to find out where it’s come from.” – Sato
“Hey, sometimes a little technobabble is good for the soul.” – Jack

“I’m not being rude or anything, but… well, maybe I am, but how do you switch off from all this stuff? What do you do to relax?” – Gwen
“I torture people in happy relationships.” – Owen

“I just want the energy. The climax. I live off that energy.” – Carys
“Right, sorry, just to recap, you’ve travelled here to feed off orgasmic energy.” – Gwen
“There’s nothing else out there like it. You taste so good. You’re the best hit there is.” – Carys

“I thought she said she had a boyfriend.” – Owen
“You people and your quaint little categories.” – Jack

“You know, strictly speaking, throttling the staff is my job.” – Jack

“So, what’s our next move?” – Jack
“Stop the entire city of Cardiff from shagging.” – Owen
“Put bromide in the water supply.” – Gwen
“No, too hit and miss.” – Jack
“Yeah, and the water company got really pissed off the last time we did that.” – Owen

“Travel half way across the universe for the greatest sex, and you still end up dying alone.” – Jack

“Do one thing for me; don’t let the job consume you. You have a life, perspective – we need that.” Jack
“Who are you Jack?” – Gwen
“I’m sorry?” – Jack
“You can’t die, you tell me the 21st century is when it all changes, that we have to be prepared.” – Gwen
“So you do.” – Jack
“But how can you know.” – Gwen
“You think knowing the answers would make you feel better?” – Jack
“Who are you? What are you doing here?” – Gwen
“Go home, Gwen Cooper. Eat lasagna, kiss your boyfriend and be normal. For me.” – Jack


Unanswered Questions

Jack wants the dead body to look like a suicide attempt - how do you make a dead body look like a suicide attempt? Why does Jack care so much about the hand in the jar? Is it really, as rumoured, the Doctor’s from the end of the ‘The Christmas Invasion’ (2005)?  Is that Gallifreyan on the glass that Jack’s pointing his green laser-pointer at? And if so, how did it get there? How is Jack’s wrist band able to control the “portable cell” – can it control any alien tech? And, if so, how – most technology is not going to be compatible from planet to planet – although this was also an issue with ‘The Age of Steel’ (2006) in which technology from two Universes was shown to be compatible! Why was the viewing window of the cell so dirty?  Is the alien having sex for survival or because it enjoys it? Saying “there’s nothing out there like it” implies a choice – and “you’re the best hit there is” implies a drug addiction metaphor. Would Jack really have struck Carys with any of the weapons on the table to stop her from escaping? (And is this part of the fact that he feels numb to the “human” aspect of his work, therefore only seeing a dangerous alien trying to escape rather than an innocent girl who was caught up in the mix?)  Did Torchwood really put Bromide in the water supply once?  Just how is Jack able to kiss life back into Carys? Presumably something to do with the time vortex energy used to revive him in ‘The Parting of the Ways’ (2005) but it’s not adequately covered – and why doesn’t it affect Gwen moments later? Does he have an off switch for it?
 

Fuck Ups

Torchwood’s face recognition software checks through men as well as women when searching for Carys. When Gwen is eating her oyster cracker, she takes one bite, and then a second out of what looks like a new cracker, but a quick camera angle change shows her with two bites in her cracker.  When Owen notices Gwen and Carys snogging, the next shot shows the camera zooming in, and then cuts back to Owen – with his hands still behind his head. So, who zoomed the camera? It wasn’t a computer mechanical zoom, and it was constantly juddering about. And it couldn’t have been Jack or Sato because they didn’t notice before Owen called them down. Why do Sato and Gwen run to the cell to see if Owen is with Carys; they could just have turned around and looked on the monitor? Yes, perhaps they did look on the monitor, but the dialogue as they enter the chamber makes it sound as if they hadn’t. The printouts of Carys' email archive feature the infamous Microsoft paperclip 'assistant', which only appears when writing/editing. Carys punches the receptionist, knocking her out cold; when the Torchwood team arrives only a little while later, the receptionist no longer on the floor, nor does she show up when they’re searching the facility for Carys.


Torchwood: Declassified Episode 2 (9’03”)

Broadcast BBC Three, Monday 23rd October, 2:50am in double-bill with episode one.


Behind-the-scenes footage of ‘Day One’, and discussion of Gwen’s character (and her relationship with Kac) by Eve Myles and John Barrowman. Russell T Davies and Julie Gardner cover her introduction to Torchwood. Chris Chibnall and Myles explain the idea behind the episode. Myles also explains how she got into character for “getting her face snogged off”. Davies and Chibnall talk about “the sex monster” idea. Ben Austin, the Design Assistant, talks about creating a backstory when designing the Hub and Richard Stokes about how fast it came together. Production Designer Edward Thomas takes us on a tour of the partially-constructed set. Brian Kelly and Davies drool over the finished set.


Site Review by Rob Tizzard

Well Torchwood has something going for it, because it’s ten to two in the morning and I’m still watching, having missed the debut earlier in the evening. Episode two is introduced with a “scenes of a sexual nature” note, ‘interesting’, I think. We’re back with Gwen in her normal life with her boyfriend, having fun before her new world crashes straight through it with the arrival of a U.F.O. And after receiving a text message she states, rather worriedly, “I’ve gotta go to work.” Great opening and I’m glad that this episode will center on Gwen once again.

Straight away she makes a terrible mistake and sets free a murderous alien life form, go girl, she’s so human. I did forget to note in the Everything Changes review about how the first time we see Torchwood, they achieve absolutely nothing with their special toys, which I loved, although later found this was also a part of that episodes plot. This series has been well thought out and put together, benefiting from extra production time maybe.

The sex scene is a little over the top, but why not, there has been nothing like this show ever. That poor actor, gets the call from his agent, ‘A scene in the new Doctor Who spin-off, fantastic! It’s a sex scene, OK, I get vaporized at the end, r...ight, thanks muchly!’ It’s clever writing, very clever. Gwen still thinks this life will allow her other life to co-exist, maybe it will. The rest of the team become a little more real and likable as it’s revealed how unlucky in love they are, and gossiping about Jack when he goes to the toilet. A toilet, in a science-fiction story.

Gwen is again well played and well used, stating the host of the alien is still a person, with a right to live. Someone who needs help and someone to fight for them. Sure she did wrong on her first day, but by the end of the episode she’s shown up the entire team, who are already a lot less arrogant following what happened to Susie. And I’m warming to Jack a little, they are struggling to keep him mysterious, but he’s just as lonely, vulnerable and lost as the rest.
 

Reader Reviews

Disappointing, in a word. I had hoped we were getting an adult (i.e. maturely written) show, whereas what we got was Doctor Who with adolescent fantasy. Entertaining enough, but profoundly silly. Compare this show with “adult” shows from the US, or others from the UK, and it  just looks like Harry Potter with masturbation. I was expecting more from it, frankly. Sadly the scripts don’t bear investigation, are full of the usual RTD logical flaws (which you can get away with in a series aimed at 8-year olds, but not in one aimed at adults) and please don’t get me started on the aerial shots of Cardiff and people standing on the tops of buildings, which is already very boring not to mention hackneyed. I’m really wondering whether I’ll be able to stick with the series until the bitter end.

Alan Hayes